Why #18: Car Door Denters

*Why #18 is brought to you by the amazingly wonderful Guest Blogger Jeanne*

Why?

Why do people park so close to you and then slam their car doors into your car? Is there a rhyme or a reason? Or are people too lazy and un-observant to see that your car, the one that you pay tons of money for, is sitting right there? Not only is this happening all over, it is happening when you park your car FAR away so this doesn't happen, and then that one person parks next to you in a lot that has a MILLION other spaces and still hits your door.

I mean is respect something of the past. If so watch out here comes my door!

***Jeanne, I found this website that sells Car Door Defenders (see the black bumpers attached to the silver car). Sure you would be the weirdo who drives around with bumpers on your car, but at least the doors would be ding free! Thanks for Guest Blogging!

Why #17: UPDATE*

I LOVE Miranda Lambert and am getting very nervous that this summer may not involve seeing her in concert. I was looking up tour dates and came across a show she is doing at a fair in Northern Ohio. It is on a weeknight, it is super far away, but it is GOING to happen based on this post on the ticket website...

MIRANDA LAMBERT
7:30 p.m.
Historically, the audience stands during Miranda Lambert concerts.

Please keep this in mind when making seat selections.

*LOVE LOVE LOVE*

Why #17: Lame Concert Crowds

Why?

Why are some people that go to concerts so lame? And not only lame, but nasty and bossy and absolutely convinced that NO ONE should be standing, dancing, or singing along?


In my opinion each and every person should be boot-stomping their music loving hearts out. I have been to far too many concerts surrounded by seated silent types. Are they even enjoying the music? I doubt it, because the minute you stand up to feel the rhythm of the beat, these people are tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to sit down because they can't see. Well too bad lazy pants. You and I paid the same for our ticket, if you want to see you can stand up behind me. Try it, you might actually have a little fun at this concert.

This is a problem that I face with each summer music season. And you really can't win. If you get lawn tickets you know everyone will be standing and dancing. But they will also be super drunk, peeing on your boots, and having drunken screaming fights with their boyfriend during Tim McGraw's "Letters to Home." If you get super expensive tickets in the front of the arena you will be seated with rich families who probably got the tickets through their dad's work. The kids might know the 2 most popular radio songs, the dad won't know any, and the mom will just be a b. Let me tell you, these people will not be standing, despite the fact that Kenny Chesney is mere feet in front of them. And they will NOT appreciate when you get bumped by the drunk cowboy behind you and accidentally spill some beer on the mom's Prada purse during "Poets and Pirates."

So what's a cowgirl to do? Get there early, establish a strict STANDING ONLY policy, and throw death glares at anyone who even mutters the words can't see or sit down.

Why #16: Facebook

Why?

Why is facebook so... fake?

Sure, facebook is great if life is going well. You just got engaged? You will be congratulated by the kid that set next to you in High School Chem lab. Promotion at work? Cheers to you from the guy that dated that girl that you kind of knew in college. But when the going is rough you had better not even think to mention it on fbook. The slightest sign of a bad day, depression, or broken heart and you are sure to receive a million posts checking in to make sure you are okay. Now remember the people checking in are all probably people you haven't actually spoken to or seen in at least 5-10 years. But still, they really care. And if this if what cheers you up, then just go right along posting on your wall about your bad hair day.

But what I would really like is a Lifebook. A place I could post a comment about a new hideously depressing song lyric I can't get out of my head ("you don't have to drag me down, i descend.") or some really morbid thought of the day. And instead of getting a cheery response to let me know they LUV me or I should try to LOL today, maybe people could write back with their own favorite depression song.

The thing is, your real friends know you. I am pretty sure if Em or MA* saw a status like "Lindsey is watching "A Walk to Remember" with a bottle of red and a box of razor blades" they would know that I was not seriously depressed, just seriously in need of a night wallowing in a little sadness. But you can't put that kind of stuff on fbook. The next thing I know my aunts, cousins, and godmother (how did this happen, why are my family members on fbook?) would all be calling a hotline and signing me up for counseling.

So I guess the story is, on Facebook I put my best self forward. Lindsey is shopping/boot-stomping/loving life. And on my blog, I am putting my whole self forward.

Lindsey is shopping (new sephora purchase she can't afford/boot-stomping (keith urban fri and shawn colvin sat (sunny came home ))/loving life(but missing miss sugar bean something awful).

Why #15: Only WOMEN Eat Yogurt???

Why?

Why do yogurt commercials only show skinny young women eating yogurt?

If I have to watch one more yogurt commercial with a woman sitting around in her perfectly matching cotton twin-set p. jammers eating yogurt as if it is the best thing she has ever tasted I will scream... or just blog about it. Listen up Yoplait and Dannon, all kinds of people eat yogurt. Men, children, women with a few pounds to lose. I'll let you in on a little secret, you've already got the women convinced. Women are buying tiny sized yogurt cups and convincing themselves it is the same as eating a piece of Boston Creme Pie. You've got your market cornered.

So why not do some commercials playing to the interests of your other customers. Men in construction worker uniforms taking a yogurt break. Men in business suits fighting over the last vanilla low-fat yogurt in the office fridge. Women with a few to lose choosing to eat the yogurt cup rather than the Wendy's drive-thru menu for lunch.

All I'm saying is I really do love yogurt. It is delicious and nutritious. But if I have to watch one more commercial like this... I might just never buy another yogurt again.

Why #14: Healthcare for ONE

Why?

Why doesn't my healthcare plan cover me for special "singles" services?

Last week I was stricken with a horrible flu. I actually think I might be a swine survivor, but I'll leave that post for another day. Anyway, I was horribly ill. Nausea, chills, aches, pains. You know, the flu. I was sick, miserable and lacked any amount of energy. I love Miss Sugar Bean, but she can't exactly run down to the corner and pick up some OJ and saltines. So, why doesn't my healthcare plan offer some special services for single people?

I'm not asking for much. Really just an errand boy. Some hotline that I could call up, request a delivery of Tylenol Flu, popsicles and 30 Rock Season 2 on dvd. Or, if things got really bad, someone to drive me to the doctor or Urgent Care. I've seen the price points, the rates for health insurance for a single vs. a family are not that significant. I pay out each month to my health insurance, and then when I get sick, I have no way of actually getting to the doctor. Just doesn't seem right to me. The family plan covers Mom, Dad and the kids. I'm sure the average family makes multiple trips a year to the ol' MD. I'm paying almost the same amount and the closest I come to the doctor is watching ER repeats. Sure I can call friends and family and ask for their help, but why should I have to when I am paying Anthem a big chunk of my paycheck to take care of my healthcare needs?

So what if my needs boil down to a box of popsicles when the flu hits? What's the deductible on that?

Why #12: Supreme Master TV

Why?

Why is Supreme Master TV a major component of Cincinnati's latest vegan restaurant?

Don't vegans get a bad enough wrap as it is? What do you mean you don't eat meat, cheese, eggs??? So, what you're like a vegetarian then? A vegan? A what???

One of my favorite vegans, Matthew, is constantly answering these questions. And in a city like Cincinnati, his vegan food options are seriously limited. So imagine our delight when we heard about a new vegan restaurant in Pleasant Ridge. I quickly organized a double "date" with the ever less-meat-eating Emily and Casey for this "good" Friday (aka: a day all 4 of us didn't have to work, woohoo!). We planned to meet at the newly opened Loving Cafe for a little vegan lunch.

The first sign of trouble was a HUGE framed picture of the Supreme Master (see photo above) super-imposed into some sort of zen garden of Wizard of Oz like technicolor dimensions. Creeeepy.

But this I could get past, the food looked amazing. After being told I was getting a real treat by getting to drink out of a compost straw (basically like sucking through a soggy cardboard box) I started to get a little more nervous.

We made our way into the main dining area to await our food. And here we were greeted by a massive TV playing, you guessed it, Supreme TV. In a place devoted to veganism, environmentalism and zen-like tranquility, I was a bit surprised to discover I was meant to enjoy my meal with a background booming with the sounds and sights (all terrifying) of Supreme TV. We couldn't figure out what message the Supreme Master TV was trying to tell us. There were some scenes with an airplane, busy city streets, and what looked like a washed-up American newscaster speaking to us in closed captioning. Seriously, beyond frightening.

The food was delicious. Perhaps the result of being blessed by the Supreme Master? But of course this leads me to ask why. Why can't a nice vegan restaurant open in Cincinnati? A place with great food and an atmosphere that doesn't make me think... the Master is watching...

You better believe we spent at least 10 minutes making sure we properly recycled/composted/environmentally discarded our dishes at the end of the meal. If you are looking for a nice vegan meal OR an alternative spiritual awareness, Loving Cafe is the place for you.

...And I am sleeping with one eye open tonight.